Welcome to India, Hooooo-Leeeeee-COW!!!!

Duality... Love:Hate, Rich:Poor, Give:Take.

At the same time, India is the greatest and the worst place in the world. In the week and a half since my arrival it's been a roller coaster. The pendulum swings at a moments notice and no matter what side it lands on the results are always overwhelming. Regardless of any advice given prior to arrival, nothing can truly prepare one for their first time in India, you just have to jump in.

Here in India the people are warm and friendly and religion is extremely important to them and pervades everything. But on the flip side a few people have what we in the west would consider an integrity issue. For instance, upon my arrival while checking in to my Delhi hotel, I asked for an internet cafe. With the warmest congeniality my host offered a free computer and had me walked across the street to "the office". There Mr. Javid (rhymes with Dickweed not David) offered me tea (exactly what I want in sweltering 90 degree heat) and pleasant conversation. Coincidently, "the office" happened to be a travel agency and after a bait and switcheroo I was out $650 and off on a 9-day excursion through Rajasthan in 4-star accommodations with my own personal driver, Raj. I was livid 1) This was ~3X my budget 2) How did "I" get taken. 3) I just cultivated an amazing gypsy backpacker lifestyle, following serendipity to where ever she would take me. But now Mr. Javid absconded with my money and my Bohemian ideology leaving me a Philistine tourist. I got buffaloed.

So full of rage and feeling violated I set out with Raj for our first stop, Jaipur.

"So, Raj are you originally from Delhi?"
"Yes, Delhi"
"Cool, cool. So how long have you been driving?"
"Yes drive"
"So what's your view on the designated hitter rule in the American League (that's a baseball reference ladies)"
"Yes? You American?"
(Internal voice) "F'ing great! 9 days with a driver who doesn't speak English"

But with his limited English and through out what ended up being a 5 day trip (I got more than half my money back. Ask me about it later, great story) Raj kept saying "You my brother" while touching his hand to his heart than to mine. Truth be told for the following 5 days he was nothing less than family. His boss, Mr Dickweed achem sorry I mean Javid is a crooked business man who got his in the end, but Raj is a wonderful human being, he still calls every day to make sure I am safe and fine.

The road to Jaipur is unlike the dirt roads of Mozambique. India has very modern infrastructure, the highway has 3-4 lanes, it's well maintained and looks kinda like I-95. Folks, this is where any comparison to any American highway ends. Driving on this road is like visiting a carnival freak show while tripping on acid.

Anything that can be driven, is here: cars, trucks(which like everything else here are ornately adorned in vibrant colors), motorcycles carrying whole families. I saw what looked like the vehicle the Beverly Hillbillies drive packed with people, bicycles, tractors, ride-on lawn mowers, pedestrians, an Arab riding a camel.


Yeah, I know what you're thinking. I chuckled too, to myself as Raj wouldn't get the reference nor does he know the English word jockey.

The menagerie of vehicles only provides a basic level of depth, now add or better stated subtract any semblance of traffic laws (vehicles regularly drive into oncoming traffic, drive at 50mph on the bumper of cars in front, weave through rickshaws, cows and pedestrians, and overtake anything blindly) and you start to get the picture. I only packed 3 pairs of underwear so in the interest of keeping the pair I had on clean, I closed my eyes and surrendered to a cacophony of horn blowing.

An hour into the drive Raj slams the breaks as we hit a traffic jam. "Huh huh, cow. Take picture."



An hour later we stopped to stretch our legs at the halfway point. As I got out of the car in rural India everyone stopped and stared. It was like a space ship had landed and "Gasp!" a large man with pale skin got out. Some people had a look of disgust on their face, most just a look of wonderment. This was my introduction to life amongst the Indian people as a 6'1, 200lb white guy. There at the rest stop and everywhere since I travel with an entourage of awe struck brown disciples. But unlike Mr. Javid, they have no hidden agenda, they are warm and friendly. They just want to talk, invite me in their home for tea, introduce me to their family. The common conversation, "You are big, big muscles, are you in the army? Are you a WWF wrestler(I am huge by Rajasthani standards). "What is your good name kind sir? Why are you not married (Mom? Have you been talking with India recently?)"
Then the other side of the coin, here white skin also means "He's rich let's get his money." Again most Indian citizens want friendly conversation. But rickshaw drivers, shop owners and their boys on the street form a syndicate of money sucking con-artistry that keeps you on constant alert and leaves you exhausted at the end of the day. Example, let's grab a taxi:

Me: Shanti Hotel, how much?
Driver: 500 rupees
Me: 500! No, no too much 100
Driver: 450
I walk away
Driver: 200
Me: Deal
And we're off. To Shanti Hotel you'd assume? Uh-uh..
Driver: Shanti Hotel is closed, I take you to a good hotel (This is complete bull, he gets commission)
Me: (lying) I already paid, have reservation (Why do we find it necessary to speak broken English back to broken English speakers?)
5 minutes in to the drive...
Driver: Agra is famous for marble, I take you to marble shop
Me: (internal voice) Do I have asshole written in Hindi across my forehead? (external voice) No! Shanti or no pay!

The first 5 times I fell for it. In addition when you get to the marble shop, or garment shop, the shop keeper is sooooo hospitable, serving me free beer (16 oz at 8% alc) to loosen my judgement. So if my gifts seem odd, please forgive me. Anybody want a rhinestone encrusted beer helmet with pom-poms attached to the brim?

Like the people, The rural towns and cities are in juxtaposition. Indian architecture is the most beautiful I've seen. Pictures of the Taj Mahal can't begin to do it justice, I enliken seeing it to the first time I saw Niagara falls or the Grand Canyon.

But turn your head 180 degrees and you'll see some of the most tragic things. Emaciated people starving on the street, impoverished children begging, people missing limbs or crippled with polio. I saw; a baby crawling in the road alone, a dog eating a dead pig in a busy Jaipur intersection, people taking a crap on the side of the road like, "Hey, it ain't no thing, I'll just pop a squat right here. Hey man what's up?"

Again, as the pendulum swings back, the streets are alive and so vibrant. The women are dressed in the most vivid saris, it's an amazing spectacle.

Then there are the smells, I close my eyes and invite the most fragrant incense, the exotic spices wafting in from the roadside cooking. Ten steps further and it smells like a carcass rotting in a Giants Stadium parking lot port-a-potty. Ten more steps, incense again. The local people think nothing of it, it is life to them. They go about their rhythm unfazed by any of this, and with tolerance to everyone and everything (accept the occasional huge white guy from Planet America).

Their tolerance is a product of their faith and strong devotion to religion and spirituality, regardless of belief. I visited a Hindu temple that had sculptures of Christ and Moses in it last week. The spirituality is the single greatest thing about India. It is all pervading and would make any visitor want to sit crossed-legged in lotus position chanting the sacred mantra, "Om, Om, Om."

The mix of religions has shaped this amazing culture, the art (I picked up this painting in Jaipur, a beautiful depiction of the Indian Romeo and Juliet-like love story of Krishna and Ratha)

the music, the dancing, the food and the people.

In my short time here, India has given me so much. I've seen; amazing temples and forts, my first in-theater Bollywood hit (Singh is King. 2 thumbs up), I ate wonderful food and met wonderful people. I've seen Delhi, Jaipur, Agra, Pushkar and in a few days, I'll hit Jodpur.

But in the end, for as much as India has given me, it has taken just a little bit more; the incessant hassle of touts, the constant entourage of mesmerized locals who don't understand that earphones in my ears means leave me alone, having to ignore the most heart breaking sights of sick and hungry children begging for food, fighting tooth and nail and not trusting anyone or anything any time money can possibly be exchanged, the over all squaller and the nasty NA-HA-HAS-T accommodations. Lastly, as many of you know earlier in the week, I came within 30 minutes of attending a terror attack in Connaught Place Delhi. Luckily my confrontation and experience with Mr. Javid soured me to the area and had me seek accomodations a mile away in the backpacker Paharanj area.

I'm taking all of these things as a message from the universe. As a solo traveler it's extremely taxing and lonely. While I wouldn't trade my time in India for anything, I've decided to cut it short to just over 2 weeks, but I look forward to returning in the future to see more. I'll be heading to a more peaceful, easy going and beautiful Nepal next week. Next up Sherpas up close and personal.