Bushwacked

Sorry for the long silence folks, I was in the bush for the past 5 weeks and couldn't get to a computer. You wouldn't believe how rough it was. I had no phone, no lights, no internet, not a single luxury. It was kinda like Robinson Crusoe. But now I’m back in civilization in Jo’burg. My time in the bush was amazing and...“SHUT UP AND SHOW US PICTURES!”

OK ALREADY SHEESH!!! So I spent the last 5 weeks at Karongwe Game Reserve at the foot of the Drakensberg Mountains

I spent my time tracking animals like Lions

Leopards, "Say Cheese Mr. Leopard!"

and Giraffes


While it was an awesome experience, it came with some challenges. The first of which was keeping my sanity in the living conditions. I've learned why piling a bunch people into a house to live on top of each other for 24 hours a day is a prime strategy for reality TV, because it's a ratings generating recipe for insanity.

Ingredients:

• 18 people
• Assorted 21-24 year olds, a dash of drama queens (male and female), a pinch of peer pressure and a few late twenties, thirty and forty somethings

• Plenty of alcohol
• Lack of sleep
• Melodrama

Preparation:

Add all of the ingredients into a simple concrete dorm
Remove all distractions like TV, internet, exercise and privacy
Enclose in an electrified fence
Let simmer for 5 weeks...

DING! One crazy man, foaming at the mouth coming right up. I almost succumbed to the pressure but I was able to stave off insanity.

My father used to tell me that there is a price to pay for everything. If so, the price was well worth what I received in return. In addition to tracking the animals I also got to:

Watch leopard surgery (I don't think it will make it to the Discovery Channel, but cool nonetheless)

Put a scorpion on my face

And visit Kruger National park for a few days. I had the pleasure of driving a small bus with 9 others through the park. The highlight of the trip was facing off against a bull elephant. Now I know I said I got charged by an elephant in my last post, but it could have been better said that I was on the back of a truck when it got charged. This time I was in the driver's seat.

It went like this... Kruger closes at 6PM and if you don't get out before they fine you. So it was ~5:45 and we were cutting it close. I was tearing ass down a dirt road like Bo Duke going much faster that the speed limit, when we came around a turn. And boom right in front of us was this...

Ah ha! taste life, Fox 1 elephant 0. If you listen closely you can hear me nearly crap my pants, "What do I do? What do I do?"and my friend Yoel in the passenger seat answering "uhhhhhh" with shrugging shoulders (thanks for the assist man). But I got out alive, I figure elephants may be fast but they can't cut on a dime, so as he came toward us I blew past him and let him take his aggression out on the poor saps behind us. Replay the video watch as the elephant heads toward the white car behind us at the end (I hope they made it out alive).

I've started noticing duality returning to my life. Seven weeks ago everything was awe inspiring and my head was in the clouds. Now there is balance, for each amazing experience there's been a not so amazing one (i.e. the crazy dorm). One of the other challenges I faced, believe it or not was boredom. I know, even in exotic wild Africa you're not immune to it. Here's an example:

Every morning I'd wake up at 5AM to hop on the back of a truck and look for animals. I'd get back to base four hours later, take a three hour break and then do it again at 3PM. It was incredible at the beginning, what a rush. Week 1 was like this:
7AM on the back of the truck

ME: Wow a lion! Look at that! I’ll record the GPS coordinates, can you get a picture of me with him in the background. AWESOME!!!

However the magic eventually puttered out and by week 5 the experience was more like this:
Again, It’s 7AM on the back of the truck

ME: …Yeah the elephant’s name was Stampy…that was a good one, but my favorite episode is when Homer starts his own snow plowing company, and makes the TV commercial. Remember the song?...

FROM THE CAB OF THE TRUCK: Lion… 3 o’clock.

ME: Huh? You wanna record the GPS or should I? What was I saying? Oh yeah. (singing) Mr Plow that’s the name, that name again is Mr.Plow.

Luckily for me, boredom is never too difficult to overcome, there are plenty of ways to entertain yourself and break through the monotony of the routine.

I grew a mustache (and no I am not naked):

But after 2 weeks I could no longer handle the itchiness and uncomfortability that accompanied "The" handlebar. Merit goes to the real men who can tame and conquer this beast that makes your upper lip sweat and the corners of your mouth itch. Here's to you Tom Selek, Gene Shallot, Ron Jeremy and Uncle Sol.

And of course there were books to read and great conversations to have with my new friends. Lastly there are some things that never get old and never get boring. Did you know that zebras' bellies swell from the amount of gas they produce? Plus they are easily spooked. This combines for hilarious results. Often when pulling up to a herd of zebras they would take off like a shot farting the whole way to the horizon! Almost like they've kicked in the afterburners.

So in closing, I'll leave you with some lessons from the bush:

1) Watch where you step

2) Going to some place exotic can be amazing. But like anything else if you let it become routine, boredom will set in. I believe the converse is true. Follow me here; if I can get bored of things in wild Africa like I can at home, then perhaps with a little planning I can make home more amazing too. I traveled a zillion miles to see wild Africa yet I've never driven to Maine.

3) Zebras running off farting is hilarious!

Well I'm back in Johannesburg now staying with my friends Iris and Mutsa. I'm planning to head to Mozambique this week for some rest and relaxation on the beach and snorkeling and diving. Mozambique is famous for its whale shark and manta ray diving. Onward ho!